Tragically, I was at work for the majority of the game yesterday. Not nearly as tragically, I was at home in front of my television in time to watch Austin Jackson work some magic! Through the magic of technology, I was following the game as closely as possible and have some open letters to our dear players for the start of the season.
To Prince Fielder, Please keep being adorable with Cabrera in the dugout. Rubbing his back? Hugging him from behind? Priceless. Maybe having a hetero-lifemate will keep him happy and out of trouble.
Jhonny Perlata- People said that there was probably no way you could have another season like last year. They said that, based on your career numbers, last year was a fluke. Well. You quietly went about your business having a ridiculous spring, and no one talked about it. And then? Three-for-three with a walk on opening day. You just keep doing your thing and we’ll keep laughing that no one seems to notice.
Dear, dear Austin Jackson, THIS. That’s all I can say. Do this, always, and maybe you can earn a small piece of the love that we had for Curtis Granderson and help us to heal. Obviously, you loved it, too. Did you see the replays of your smile after you hit the game winning run? Be still, my heart!
Miguel. Listen, buddy. We’re not going to worry about the hitting, because you took three walks and they had the balls to walk you intentionally to get to Prince. We laugh at that strategy. And your ridiculous roll after catching the foul fly? Adorable. But what happened on that error? That wasn’t even a ranging play. The only thing I can imagine is that you had a flashback to the exploded face incident and balked. And, honestly, I don’t blame you, but you’re out to prove something, and that something is not my lingering fear that you won’t make it as a third baseman. Get it together.
Dearest Papa Grande, I don’t blame you. Those people who apparently booed when you finished the inning? They’re ungrateful idiots. You weren’t going to stay perfect and everyone knows that. Granted, blowing it on opening day was not ideal, but at least the monkey is off your back and you can start a new streak, right? Please don’t ever change.
Oh, Tigers fans. Speaking of booing, I have a note for you, as well. Stop. Booing. Your. Own. Team. Stop it. Did you really boo Inge when he was announced, on opening day, even though he’s on the DL and not playing? Seriously? I know you’re fickle when it comes to Inge, but that’s a new low. And those of you who booed Valverde when he blew a save? After all he did for the team last year? Disgusting. Please don’t start the year this way.
Justin, Justin, Justin. Did you think I forgot about you? How could I? 105 pitches, 8 innings, 1 walk, and 7 K’s. I love you. I love you so, so hard. My in-laws sent us boxes of Fastball Flakes this week. You have your own cereal, that’s how hard we love you. DO THIS ALWAYS.
I love you, team. Keep this up, and we’ll be just fine.